Your value and worth is not tied to:
The number of followers you have.
How successful your business is.
How many people ‘like’ or don’t like your posts.
How many left swipes or right swipes you get or matches or whatever. I don’t even know! I’m not on any dating sites.
I. Could. Go. On.
You see, we are never going to feel fulfilled or happy if we are constantly relying on those things to give us that dopamine hit. We fall into its trap of believing it tells us ‘I’m ok!’, ‘someone likes me!’ Or, ‘my business must be great because all these people are following me back!’, or the other extreme: ‘I’m a failure because no one liked my post today’, or ‘there must be something wrong with me because they didn’t choose me’.
We live in this social media driven world that creates this illusion that in order for you or your business to be successful you need to pay for followers or follow others just to get a follow back. It’s an ILLUSION. It doesn’t build healthy roots. It builds anxious, impatient & addictive roots without a whole lot of faith, trust & substance. It’s quick short term gratification, not long term sustainability & core strength.
Your self-worth & value comes from inside you. It comes from how much you love, respect & take care of yourself each & every day. It’s how committed you are to choosing yourself wholly & completely through the choices that you make.
Cease grabbing at things outside of you for fulfilment & confirmation. Know this - as you waste precious time scrolling through social media looking for that next hit, you are sitting on a pot of gold that’s inside of you waiting for you to put the phone down and discover it.
My mentor is booked out two years in advance. She’s never had Instagram or FB & never advertised. When asked who does her business plan, she says: Spirit.
Take a moment to let that really sink in. Take your hands off the steering wheel (or your phone!) and hand it over to the unseen world. Surrender. They are eagerly waiting for you to ask them for help.
I’m not saying that these platforms are bad. I have received a lot of business and connection with amazing people on Instagram and I am grateful for all of you that support me. What I am saying is that when we rely on these platforms to make us feel good and worthy that’s where we are slipping into dangerous territory. It will never be enough if we are not enough for ourselves to begin with. It will never give us enough approval if we do not first deeply approve of ourselves. It will never choose us enough if we do not take the time and do the work to fully choose ourselves in everything we do.
Rather than spending all your energy trying to get likes and follows from other people... like yourself first. I mean deeply like every single aspect of who you are and what you stand for. Follow YOU first. Be the best version of yourself you can possibly be, first. I can tell you from personal experience, that when you begin to do that, what those numbers are doing doesn’t even matter anymore because it’s not a priority. When you trust in yourself and all that you do, you energetically trust that the people, your people will find you.
When Spirit has a message for me, they sometimes give me a repeating song lyric or line from a movie. Last night it was a line from the movie ‘Field of Dreams’. For any of you not familiar with that film it was released in 1989 and starred Kevin Costner and Amy Madigan. Costner plays a corn farmer in Iowa and hears a mysterious voice one night saying “If you build it, he will come”. Despite taunts of lunacy, Costner builds a baseball diamond on his land risking his entire corn crop and also his home. After he creates this field, ghosts of players start emerging from the crops to play ball. He learns toward the end of the film that this field of dreams is about much more than bringing former baseball greats out to play. At the end of the film droves of people were pouring into his farm to see the baseball field. Everything he risked was saved. Spirit helped.
So, last night Spirit kept repeating to me after I wrote today’s Instagram post about our worth and social media: ‘If you build it, they will come’. They changed it slightly to ‘they’. When they do this I always need to say ‘show me more’. ‘Show me, show me, show me’ – I repeat.
You must first build the field of dreams within yourself. You want the dream partner, the dream life? You must become that first on the inside. I mean, get to the point where you love yourself sick – not in an egotistical way, but in such a way that all the choices you make are filled with truth and integrity and they reflect the quality of people and life you would like to attract.
If you build that legacy and integrity filled environment within you by sorting through your dark spots, emotional imbalances and wounds, the abundance will come. That dream partner, dream job, dream everything will come, but it requires you to DO THE WORK on yourself. You become a super attractor for your wildest dreams. You create your own field of dreams within and therefore without by doing the work and surrendering the ‘how’ over to Spirit.
When you realign your focus inward and sort this stuff out and up level while surrendering everything to Spirit, you will begin to trust that people will find you organically through word of mouth or pure serendipitous occurrences, without you having to push and shove and waste all that precious time and energy trying to get likes and follows. Having that as your focus and spending hours on end glued to social media is just missing the mark. It is falling into the trap of wanting instant success and recognition and it is the biggest waste of time that you will never get back.
Where is the trust in the process? Where is the taking time to build a good solid foundation and roots, surrendering and allowing people to find you that actually DO wish to genuinely follow you for what you have to offer, instead of just getting a bunch of people following you because you followed them?
We have been brainwashed into believing that that is the way we need to grow our business and get recognition. “If you build it, they will come’ means build everything around your truth and passion, and what you as a unique individual have to offer. What is your story? Where can I see your heart and passion in ALL that you do?
Think of all the great artists, architects, poets, film makers, musicians that did everything without social media. Quit with the impatient attitude of wanting everything now, now, now.
Focus each day on your values for yourself, for your business, align with Spirit and ask them for help and guidance. They cannot help you if you don’t ask. Surrender the outcome, surrender your goals. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. But HOW do I surrender you might ask? By focusing on your values, the work on yourself, and all that deeply aligns with your truth and deciding that you don’t need to do anything else but that every single day, and you trust that Spirit will take care of the rest.
How has this worked for me?
So far, Spirit have brought me all of my clients in many different ways. They have brought me speaking gigs, accounts, unexpected money, and many more opportunities that I would have had to spend too much time and energy trying to find myself – like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Whenever I have let go and said: ‘you find me the work, I’ll keep showing up, being of service, rolling treats, writing pieces, and working on myself’, they have ALWAYS pulled through with support and ways of paying me for my services. Do I have a massive social media following? No. But that does not bother me, because the majority of people that do follow me have been with me longterm and are there because they want to be not because I follow them back.
You must remember that this can sometimes be a slower process, but it is about building solid unshakable roots. Learn to walk with grace and patience. Rome wasn’t built in a day.