When it comes to committing to oneself and self-love, I’ve learnt that boundaries play a very important role. Throughout my growth and expansion these past couple of years it has become more and more clear to me who really stands wholeheartedly in my tribe. There’s really nothing like a good old growth spurt to subconsciously end up being a mirror for some people that you thought were close friends.
In the past I would have chosen to not be my truest self and would try to stay friends with everyone. I never wanted to rock the boat or speak up about how I really felt. I always felt it was the safer option to fly under the radar, be nice, be quiet. It felt easier. But in actual fact it was so much harder.
So, in the process of dramatic life change and growth, I started to realize who fully had my back and those that didn’t really show their full support. I knew from a space of awareness that the universe was in fact clearing away that which no longer resonated with my best and highest good. I didn’t really need to do much, just stand up for myself, keep being honest and truthful, and allow and accept the letting go that was taking place.
Of course, there has still been sadness that a handful of friendships have fallen away, but I know now in my heart that that is what happens. It’s actually such a natural process in life. As you grow, you can outgrow certain relationships. But what is let go of then makes space for other new and exciting relationships to develop. Relationships that are vibrating and resonating with where you have risen to.
In the past I wanted to be friends with EVERYONE. If there was anyone that I felt didn’t like me, it would send me into a spin as I couldn’t understand why and I had a very hard time letting it go. I would start to worry that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t enough. I was essentially placing my self-worth and happiness in the hands of another, waiting for others approval like a hungry bird waiting for crumbs. I felt powerless.
Now that I’ve got to know myself a lot more - in fact, I feel like I’ve become my own best friend. I am now incredibly discerning when it comes to allowing new people into my sacred space (life). Yes, that’s right - I CHOOSE whether or not I will ALLOW someone to get close to me. It’s MY choice not theirs.
There is incredible power and freedom that comes when you realize you have the choice.
We don’t cut physical keys and let just anyone and everyone into our homes do we? So why do we constantly hand out energetic keys letting everyone and anyone into our sacred space (life)?
Your energetic space and time is precious. Don’t hand it out as though it’s this never-ending supply that means nothing to you. Not everyone gets to have a key. Some may have the garden gate key but not the house one. Some may just have keys to collect the mail while you are on holiday. Some may just be allowed to hang out at the fence for a chat at a specific time. Very few should ever get the golden keys to the front door. And if they do get them and misuse that honour, then you will be forced to change the locks and change the meeting location to outside the front gate or choose to not meet with them at all.
This analogy may sound a little harsh to some, however I feel it highlights the importance of boundaries in your life and the fact that YOU get to CHOOSE. You get to choose who you let in and who you do not. It’s not up to anyone else but you.
What are your boundaries? What do you ask before you decide how far to let someone in?
I am such an open, fun-loving trusting woman, but I’ve also realized that I can possess all of those qualities and yet still protect myself and have these loving boundaries in place. I ask questions such as:
Does this person have my best interests at heart?
Do I feel supported by them? Do they show up?
Do they understand me?
Do they get me?
Do I feel loved and safe in their presence?
Does it feel like whenever I am around them they have totally got my back?
These are the types of questions I ask myself now. How do I feel around this person? Do I feel joy? Do I experience light and love? Do I feel accepted?
Intuition is key here. How does your gut feeling respond? What are the whispers and messages you are receiving during interaction? TRUST those whispers.
By having a clear vision of what your boundary checklist looks like, you will be able to discern honestly, carefully and pretty quickly as to who you to choose let in and who you do not.
Trust your gut feeling, it speaks truth. Any time you start to question or second guess yourself, know that the situation/person is not in full alignment with you and your soul. Back away and keep moving forward on your path.
FORGIVE - any challenging situations with past friends.
ACCEPT - the natural flow of life, the falling away, the transformation of your environment that is beautifully reflecting your expanded inner self.
LET GO- of that which no longer serves you or supports your best & highest good.
TRUST - in the process and what the universe has in store.
"The speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking." Audre Lorde